Archive | January, 2011

The Twerk Opportunity Tax Credit

15 Jan

Do you guys like role-playing? Don’t worry, we’ll keep it mostly PG-13.

Just close your eyes and imagine yourself as a small business owner. Your employees’ wages are taxed by the federal governement – a lot – and you lose a lot of money. Now imagine if someone offered you a coupon for those taxes which would save you hundreds, thousands, or possibly hundreds-of-thousands of dollars on taxes – all you have to do is hire, say, an ex-felon. Or a veteran on food stamps. Then, hire my company to do the boring paperwork for you; and we’ll take a small percentage of it, too –

 

MONAY MONAY MONAY

Richer than the richest - we're certified "Gettin' It"

This is what my job entails. I examine the forms of new hires that our outside clients send us, determine whether they’re eligible or not, then send them off to whatever state they’re employed in. The program is called the Work Opportunity Tax Credit, or WOTC (wot-see). Funny to think that this time last year I was wearing a visor and hawking donuts.

People have a lot of questions about my job, so in the spirit of information I’ve created a brief FAQ :

Q: So, is your job boring?

A: Yes and no. Entering people into our computer system is snooze-inducing, but I’ve done more boring work before.

Q: Do you like your job?

A: I do. It gives me a lot of time to think about things I want to do in life.

Q: Like what?

A: Well, I dunno, like writing. Or art. Maybe…music.

Q: YOU WANT TO PURSUE A LIFE IN MUSIC?

A: No, idiot. I just like music – hearing it and making it. ┬áLike…I want music to…pursue my life. Does that make sense?

Q: Are you high?

A: No! Look, music can be a hobby just as well as a career. I’ve always wanted to be able to play music. I think the biggest reason I haven’t really tried it before is because I don’t like doing something if I’m not the #1 all-time best at it, you know?

Q: Okay. So, being a tax credit consultant has compelled you to become a musician?

A: Yes!

Q: …can’t you already play the flute?

A: I CAN’T ROCK N ROLL WITH A FLUTE UGH JUST ROLL THE DAMN VIDEO –

This is my attempt at Andrew Jackson Jihad’s “Brave As A Noun” – first time singing/playing simultaneously! WARNING EXPLICIT LANGUAGE I SAY THE F WORD :<

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