Have you met you?

29 Sep

A phrase that I’ve taken a liking to recently – “Have you met you?” – is as flexible and multi-faceted as phrases get.

I use it when my friends are discouraged. “Of course she doesn’t like you. Have you met you?”

And I use it if a co-worker has beef with our boss. “He said you were rude? Don’t worry! Have you met you?”

But it’s not something I’ve really asked myself. I assumed, all these years, that I had met myself. Not in a Dr. Who sense, in which I time-traveled and shook hands with 14-year-old me, but I am me! How could I not know me? Where, along the path from high school to college to “now” (whatever “now” is) could anything have changed?

The internet is basically a time machine, because it archives everything that touches it forever. Unless you’re Geocities. But generally, everything that has ever happened on the internet will be archived for, seemingly, ever.  Even your dim-witted, and at times downright boring high school blog.

“It’s Sunday, February the 2nd. I got my throat blessed today at mass. I came home and changed clothes…played with the digital camera some more. Alex came and we watched Baseketball (my first time seeing the movie) and ate dinner around 5pm.”

Wow, self. Go on. I can’t wait to find out what you did next. Please spare no excruciating detail.

“I have made Honor Roll at my school the whole first semester. 3rd quarter is usually the most difficult, so I’m going to have to kick things up a notch. This isn’t the best time to have to kick things up any notches. “

Just wait until you get to college, little lady. You can’t even start a sentence with a number unless you write out the word! You have so much to learn!

“I’ve realized that sometimes I just get screwed over and there is nothing I can do to prevent it. Stuff happens…and no matter how bad it seems, there has to be some good out of it.”

…you what now?

“I felt so great about myself; I actually had some confidence because I felt somewhat “loved”. It’s not okay that it was all basically a facade, and it’s not okay that I was crushed. But there’s a time to get over things, and that time is now.”

Where the hell did you pick up this attitude? Church?! How dare you be happier than your adult self! You’re a lame high school freshman with greasy hair and bad skin. I thought you were a hopeless romantic. I don’t even know you.

“I tried with everything I had to fix things, but who was I kidding? I know now that, if I get into a situation like that again, friends are friends and love is never ever what you think it might be. Get verification before you give somebody everything you have.”

not bad

Well goddamn.

If time travel were possible, I think 14-year-old Pam would slap me silly. I was such a good little grownup. Now I can’t stand the thought of being an adult. MAKE MY TOOTHPASTE BUBBLEGUM-FLAVORED, PLEASE. Honestly, I’ve spent every day since graduating college dedicated to staying young. Making sure I don’t go to bed before midnight. Growing up shouldn’t be something I want to avoid. Obviously, going against my gut isn’t very “me” at all.

“On top of that…I think I like Devo. Life – Current Status: Pretty Hilarious.”

If you only knew you, little Pam…if only you knew…

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