A thing called “love”, not the one by The Darkness

6 Dec

What is it, exactly, about love? Why is love so special? Why does it seem to dominate my entire life?

Every moment of every day, I’m contemplating what I love the most. Like, “What restaurant am I most passionate about today?” or “Those flowers are okay, but I don’t love them.”

I cover my bedroom in little plastic hearts, and fill my headphones with quirky ballads about love gone sour. My life demands passion in everything I do.  So doesn’t it make sense that I’ve spent my whole adult life focused on relationships? Is that a bad thing?

:D

I love love love to love love you, love.

Lots of people have tried to define “love”, with little success. Webster’s defines “love” as “a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.” There’s also stupid stuff on Facebook, like this:

ugh

Oh my God, shut up.

Whatever. The point is, love is great. I love being in love. Love makes people happy. I love being around people and places and things that I love.  And when I do things, it is always with the most amount of love possible. If you have ever sampled my peanut-butter-chocolate-thumbprint cookies, then you already know this.

The problem these days is that I’m in love with somebody who can’t decide if they want to be “with” me or not. And if I love myself at all, I should really quit holding on to this hope that he’ll love me back. In the same way that I love him. How long can I wait? Is it worth it? Was deleting my OkCupid account the best decision I ever made, or the worst? So many questions left unanswered. And so on a cold, foggy Tuesday night, my brain feels the same –cold, foggy.

dululululululdulululudululu

TIME FOR A FLASHBACK - DULULULULU

“I really like Dru a lot. He’s a flirty guy that could pick up any girl he wanted. I’m too insecure to ask for Splenda in my latte, because I don’t want the barista to get annoyed with me. In every other way, though, we’re a perfect match. He’s a sweet, loving and gentle person – would do just about anything for anybody if they really needed it. But he also has the alter-ego of a jerk, which just makes me more enamored. He’s a good listener, but he also can talk for a really long time about video games and doesn’t get pissed if I just say “mmmhmmm” and kiss him. He’s super smart, but not above anybody. He’s got the most cuddleable body and he’s sexy and his arms are just the nicest. He’s also in a pretty fucking talented band and has impeccable taste in music. He’s great.

I’m so worried I’m going to fuck this up somehow.” – LiveJournal, 7/25/10

OBSESS MUCH?

Okay, shut up, shut up. You know how I know I’m not a hopeless romantic?

Because all I’ve done for the last year-and-a-half is hope that I’m wrong about this. Hoping is all I have now. What else do I have?

Well, I still have my weird lyfe. I love it a whole lot. I have my friends. I have cats. I have those frozen Pepperidge Farm multi-layer cakes. Life will be okay regardless of if this man loves me back or not. But dammit, I don’t know if I’ll ever quit lovin’ him back. Ugh. Maybe I will just consult the internet on what I should do…

…fucking nevermind.

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